“The Daily Show” is back after summer break, and on this week’s episode, Jon Stewart tackled the voracious rumors of Donald Trump‘s untimely death.
Stewart opened the segment with news clips covering the gossip on Trump’s health, with pundits saying things like, “We haven’t seen much of the president over the last week,” and, “He’s clearly hiding something about his health.”
“What the fuck?” Stewart exclaimed, “You people, you reporters, have no chill! Guy can’t take a few days for some R&R and a non-surgical breast reduction without everybody suddenly pulling out the toe tags? It does say something about the ubiquity of Donald Trump in our lives that we don’t hear from him for 20 minutes and we’re like, ‘He’s dead!’”
In another series of clips, Stewart showed how the media was quick to point out Trump’s “unsightly cankles” and “lumpy eyes.”
“All right, now you’re just being mean,” Stewart joked. “‘He’s got swollen ankles.’ Look at his fucking eyes! They are lumpy!’ See, this is the problem with our superficial Instagram culture. We have unrealistic expectations in this country about the amount of fluid we should be able to clear subcutaneously.”
However, for Stewart, it’s not Trump’s physical appearance that’s got him worried; it’s how “whenever any of his biggest supporters are with him, it sounds like they’re saying goodbye.”
Stewart then cut to clips of Trump’s allies saying things like, “Mr. President, working for this government, for you, is the greatest honor of my life,” and, “When history looks back on you, how would you like to be remembered?”
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“Once you begin to notice it, you begin to see really the whole vibe around this president is very Make-A-Wish kid,” Stewart said. “Everyone who shows up to his office makes one of his dreams come true.”
Stewart’s examples of the Make-A-Wish kid behavior included Trump receiving an honorary United States Marshal Service badge, Trump’s supporters demanding he be honored with the Nobel Peace Prize and the Supreme Court allowing federal agents to target people for deportation based on their race or language.
“Hey, the good news: The Supreme Court supports affirmative action based on race,” Stewart said. “The bad news is that action is ICE deporting you. What the fuck? What kind of Make-A-Wish kid wants to nullify the Fourth Amendment?”
Watch the entire monologue below.
From Variety US